BREAKTHROUGH ADDICTION RECOVERY HOUR

FEBRUARY 14, 2009

WOMEN IN DENIAL

Jill: Absolutely, almost like being in love it’s Valentines Day. Welcome Atlanta to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, I am Jill Mattingly and here with me today is Dr. Lois Dutton and it was easy to get her here today since neither of us had anything to do on Valentines Day.

Lois: Right,

Jill: You know we are going to talk about valentines day first then our unique position to talk about valentines day which is being women now we are going to have our own views and then we will go further and discuss what alcohol and drug abuse is like for women. It is very different and there are gender differences and since the show revolves around addiction we are going to take a women’s perspective and I would like to use the title of southern women in denial. How are you today lois?

Lois: I think valentines was invented for women, men don’t care.

Jill: Our engineer is agreeing, whole foods has figured out that men forget and I went by to get some things and there is a sidewalk sale on flowers and candy and they have completely taken over and they will wrap too. All of these guys in line and

Lois: They saw the date on their morning paper and thought they had better get themselves out to shop at the grocery to get off the hook, right? The southern women waiting at home will treat him like he is king even though they know he bought them something at the grocery store.

Jill: I am sure whole foods liked the plug. Valentines Day made for women and I think some guys get into it I know of one particular guy and not going to say his name who said he has a weekend planned. He is few and far between,

Lois: His mother raised him right, she got him to the point where they will be different from all others (laugh)

Jill: From a woman’s perspective you could say exactly what you did last valentines day and could tell you the worst one and the best one of their life and like me might still have some from the second grade stuffed away in the keepsake box.

Lois: If you laid them out Jill you could tell the different phases that you went through in your love life growing up and older by the valentines you saved because the ones that are important are the ones you keep and you write on the outside the year because you will get forgetful and women those kinds of memories are the things that our lives are really made of.

Jill: Right, it is important to understand that we tend to make emotional memories much more readily than our male counterparts. Bringing up emotional memory and gender differences with this day abnd talking about how women react to certain things happening in their lives and how they react when they have a problem with alcohol or drug abuse, think about this, we have families impacted by financial problems and the woman reacts differently than the male in the family and before we go into talking about the different reactions I want to give out the phone number for questions or talking about your best or worst valentines day, we are a call in show, 770-226-0920 and we promise to talk to you but what I want to ask Lois in talking about the families how is the Families in Recovery Program at Breakthrough?

Lois: We have been going for about 5 weeks and we have had individuals show up for the program because of the radio advertising and come in and meet with the group and talk about the kinds of issues going on apart from the individual in their lives that is actually using and we have had some really deep emotional conversations, parents, wives, children and it is an eclectic group and some consistent individuals back each week as we go further along in the program and we are not structured and we come in and listen to what people are talking about and some share and why they are there and we have been able to use that as a jumping off point just to talk about such issues as communication and talk about boundaries and responsibility and control and all of those things that happen in the dynamics of a family.

Jill: It is a program that we have going on right now that Dr. Dutton facilitates and it is called Families in Recovery and it is free. It is free to the listening public and free to the people in Atlanta, and you do not have to have someone in our program at Breakthrough and it is held on Tuesday evenings from 6pm to 7:30 and the only thing you have to do is sign an confidentiality statement because of the nature of the group. It is a powerful group and when someone is struggling a child or spouse that will not get help you can come and get the help you need to talk to some people that are where you are. This is a very powerful program and I encourage you if you have a loved one that is struggling in or out of treatment please come and Dr. Dutton is very good at what she does. Ok, enough of that. We have been talking about how women react to things like a using spouse and let’s talk about the women themselves and how they may be in complete denial and not motivated to look at themselves and that extra bottle at night or the uptic in their xanax use and when we come back from the break we will talk more about women and denial and please if you have someone that needs to listen tune in to 920 am WGKA and listen live. 770-226-0920 call us, we will be right back.

Commercial Break

Jill: Welcome back to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour 770-226-0920 that is the number to call my name is Jill Mattingly I am the Director of Operations at Breakthrough in Norcross and uh, we were talking during the break that since I have had such extensive broadcast training, (laugh) you probably don’t detect a southern accent, I don’t know how I lost it, I grew up in Kentucky in the land of mint juleps, how about you Lois,

Lois: I grew up in the land of mimosas and that was northwest Florida known as LA lower Alabama and when you cross the line you are in mimosa country and if you are familiar with the northern Floridian woman you know what I am talking about.

Jill: Southern women and the art of denial the southern woman that I think of is Scarlett O’Hara, fiddledeedee I will worry tomorrow, unfortunately when you look at it it is a very nice way to say I am not going to deal with what is happening even if I see it and you tell me Atllanta is burning, I will deal with that later, it comes down to denial in addiction it is very dangerous and the better you are at denial the more sever the illness can become. So, that special form of denial that the southern woman can give is well it is not too different from other women it is just denial with an accent.

Lois: Southern women pride ourselves on strength and we are southern women have a lot of starch and they are able to withstand a lot emotionally, physically, the steel magnolia syndrome, we love the movie because it speaks and at the same time with the strength comes a belief that there are certain things we just absolutely do not succumb to and one is the weakness of not being able to control, our families, or our alcohol intake and so we deny that it even exists and many southern women become pantry nippers they drink at home by themselves and after everything else is taken care of and it becomes a problem when it becomes that part of the day they look forward to the most and the chores are done and they can sit back and have their wine but sooner or later it becomes more in the morning and you still have

Jill: After working at Breakthrough I hear all different types of ways that women integrate drinking into their day, there is mainly the 5o’clock drinker after work or I may go into getting everything done and then I drink, but I have heard so many different ways that women fit the drinking into their day, they do it because of a physiological dependency occurs and doesn’t matter where you are from it can occur.

770-226-0920 and we will keep giving out the number so that you acan call and ask questions about denial and dependency and it can occur to anyone and it becomes a problem when someone comes in and says for the longest time I had no idea there was a problem and when I get with my friends they do the same thing and here in the south there is a lot of country club women with their friends in the daytime or such and they will have the martinis and the drinks and the wine, the wine is the favorite and unfortunately everyone is doing the same thing and so no one thinks this is a problem and in numbers you do feel safe so they come in and tell us they have realized that the two glasses have turned into a bottle and a half and still find others doing the same thing and not identifying it as a problem then there is a dui, a legal problem, loss of a relationship or a blackout that is usually when I see people like that come through the door.

Lois: Or when someone’s child says to their parents that they weren’t listening and don’t remember what they have said. That is real, women pride themselves on their social responsibilities getting taken care of and when they realize that the drinking every night can not stop they can’t remember the days activities and can’t remember getting the kids ready for bed so I am going to stop and they realize they can’t.

Jill: The other issue I see is the person coming in have developed the habit with the one glass at night but unfortunately it is turning into more up to a bottle but I am drinking with my husband so I don’t know if I am drinking the whole bottle, and if the husband is sitting there he will look at her and say but you are drinking the whole bottle. It comes down to making that leap into admitting you are doing it from the place of denial. We are wanting people to hear today that if you are in your car right now and it is like an aha moment for you, then there is something going on and there is some type of abuse or dependency happening and I would love for you to look at this honestly for the next few minutes and keep listening and go to the website www.breakthroughaddictionrecovery.com and read about abuse and dependency and understand why and how you have gotten to that place, and if you have questions, call 770-226-0920 ask the questions on the air and we will get your answers. I really think that there are those hearing us today that think this is something they can identify with. When we return we will talk of psychological and physiological abuse.

Commercial Break

Happy Valentines Day, we are talking about women and addiction today on the Breakthrough Addiciton Recovery Hour and we have narrowed it down to southern women and I really didn’t have a real southern woman as a mother, she was like mason/Dixon line mother a lot of the neurosis of northern and charms of the southern.

Lois: I had a very southern mother, she taught all of us to really tell people off and they almost liked it because we are always gracious and very nice about it um, and we can smile through most anything. We may do it through clenched teeth and after it is over with they wonder if they are being read the riot act.

Jill: We are just tying denial in to how women can just very pleasantly be in denial of their addiction. That is something that is very dangerous because as I have worked in medicine and in addiction medicine one of the things I see women do is say, well I drink because I have this physical problem and the number one problem is insomnia. Well I can’t fall asleep unless I have my wine or I can’t fall asleep unless I have my xanax, um, and unfortunately what they don’t understand is the action of the alcohol or the xanax on their brain function and how that is keeping them from normal sleep cycle. Alcohol can be extremely difficult to break an insomnia cycle if you are drinking heavily each night.

Lois: That initial effect to put you to sleep where you nod a little bit and then there is that real agitated second phase that goes along with alcohol and that is when people go to sleep at 10 or 11 pm and then at 2 am in the morning they are gittery and they can’t go back to sleep so

Jill: One reason is because alcohol broken down in the liver does actually increase gabba and that neurotransmitter in the brain is a mellower and it mellows you out and it slows everything down and makes you feel god. As the effects start to wane you have another neurotransmitter that becomes more prevalent and glutamate is an excitatory neurotransmitter and you will be anxious and irritable and it is going to feel like you need another drink and so goes the cycle. Understanding that your neurotransmitters are responsible in some part for what you are feeling and why you can’t sleep is very important. Xanax, same functions and you need to understand these things so that you are not caught in the cycle of not sleeping without the sleep aid and that really is a problem of about 75% of the people listening to us right now and those are probably familiar with this problem and the aids.

Lois: Then of course the is another thing that they are treated for because sleep depravation can be translated into anxiety and the feeling that you need something to help you get along.

Jill: Using that as a reason to drink now you can come out of denial and understand that that is something that is causing the problem. The other issue I hear of is pain. The body aches, restless leg, all types of aches and pains and when I drink I feel better, or when I take my lortab in the evening I feel better, well once again a self medication that is only going to come back and bite you. It is not going to take the problem away, it will intensify it. Let’s talk about that after the break and how using alcohol or pain killers frequently could make the problem worse. 770-226-0920 and we will be right back.

Commercial Break

Jill: 770-226-0920 that is the number, this is the Breakthrough ADdiciton Recovery Hour and my name is Jill Mattingly my co host today is Dr. Lois Dutton and we are talking about women and denial and using the motif of southern wiomen but I think we have milked that enough.

Loi9s: Yep

Jill: We have been talking about the reasons women get caught up in abuse or dependency of alcohol and I brought up xanax and also lortab or any other pain medication, you know there are a lot of women that live in households or are of a belief that you do not drink, and so they have gone into another realm of relief. If they can’t have any drink, they may go into a doctor’s office and get something that seems to really do the trick but unfortunately it has become a problem and that is usually, valium, xanax or clonipin, and they are not using to the prescription. If they miss a dose it will be an issue with them physically and therein lies the dependency. When there is withdrawal there is dependency and if there is supervision of a physician that may be the case and it is not where you run for the hills but you need to talk with your doctor about that. If you know you are an abuser. It is hard to come off of those types of meds without treatment and without help. The rural area has become a landing place for a lot of the pain medications and tolerance develops quickly and women may use these for their aches and pains and they may use the xanax for pain and sleeplessness, they may use their bottle of vicodin to sleep or to get rid of the aches and pains but realize that if they don’s the aches and pains are worse and increased sensitivity. to neuromuscular pain with heavy use of prescription meds. It will get worse, and it will need to be looked at by your doctor and yourself or a treatment professional if you can identify and get through it. This is what we struggle with in getting women in to treatment.

Lois: We also have a tendency to not say much and we minimize it and we minimize a lot of things. You know the husband is drinking, it’s not that bad, we minimize certainly with our own use that we don’t want to face head on the fact that we are now using the medication for migraine headache and then we use it if we hurt or not. We anticipate that we may have one two days from now and anticipate and keep a level all of the time to prevent something from happening and minimize the whole idea of why they have been given to us and our use of them.

Jill: Denial and minimizing and even the severity of the type of use that or abuse that you might have is such a survival mechanism and you know you have to be in a safe place to divulge these details and one of the things you were talking about is the stoic southern woman and when times are bad we rise up and take charge, and you can not see the weakness in me or everything might fall apart and so unfortunately we have a mix of you know cultural type of situations and then a dependency and you mix that together and you have women that have never come clean with anyone about their abuse or dependency.

Lois: The other part is Jill that women’s responsibility and social responsibilities all of those things go on regardless of what she maybe feeling or her insomnia or pain. In her mind she may well be thinking I need this in order to get through what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Jill: Because my child is sick, that is not going away for another 10 or 15 years, so let me just say 770-226-0920 um, the number again, 770-226-0920 and another reason for denial is the art of being a victim and being a victim is a part of the identity of the woman therefore giving that up is not going to be easy and when I get back from the break I want to talk about where you can find a safe place to talk about your problem with substances because if you can’t find the safe place you will keep that inside and it will stay internal and so finding the safe place and understanding the reason why you are not sharing that is worth it’s weight in gold. To anyone. So the victimization of self or the status of the person can keep them in denial

Lois: That is the part that we want folks to be able to come to us and talk about in an environment and you can come out it is free consult and come on Tuesday and if you are living in relation to a using individual

Jill: 770-226-0920 we will be right back.

Commercial Break

Jill: Welcome back to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, 770-226-0920 is the number to get in on the last part of the program we are talking about the southern woman the steel magnolia and her ability to deny a problem in her own life or the lives of those she loves. As we were at the break and talking about the fact that finding the safe place to divulge what you have been doing you know if we are talking to someone and you know you are using alcohol or other drugs to help make it through life and you need a safe place or person to tell that to well there is a lot of different ways to do that, and I will tell you that the first in one hour is our facility and go to a free SMART Recovery meeting from 5pm to 6pm this evening in Norcross and if you go to www.breakthroughaddictionrecovery.com you can google the address and take off for the location, walk through the door and you are in the safe place with people that have been there too or are there and they will be very accepting and accommodating and it is a safe place to be to talk about these issues, now of course you have many many AA, NA meetings even Alanon meetings are safe and people will listen and it will be cathartic to get that out there and start to talk about it we also do free consultations at Breakthrough in Norcross, our hours Monday through Friday 9-5 and you can come in and sit in a very comfortable space and talk to someone and it is extremely confidential and it will give you some answers right then and there about the direction you are headed and the direction you can choose. So it is important to understand that the first step is really understanding that there is a problem and we are talking about it. Not the 12 steps the first step to say that you do have a problem and

Lois: Don’t let fear or pride get in the way of a willingness to come it is a difficult thing Jill it is very difficult to come in and sort of open up your heart and open your gut if you will and let what is going on with you just come out to a “perfect stranger” but rest assured that the resources you just talked about or coming out to talk to one of us or coming to the group on Tuesday night if you are not the actual drinking person but have one in your life, it is safe and no judgments against you.

Jill: SMART and Families in Recovery those programs at Breakthrough are free, free, free. SMART Recovery is meeting tonight at 5;m and Families in Recovery on Tuesday at 6:00 and that is something in this economy is a very good starting point if you don’t have the ability to pay for treatment and don’t have to worry about being asked to do that. You can check out our facility and what we do there and we do have programs outpatient during the week and it is a phenomenal place to heal from substance abuse and I am not just saying that but it is good people and a very nice safe atmosphere. I want to just say this it is a day of love enjoy it and we will be here for you when you make that choice today is loving yourself and getting the help you need.

Lois: We will love you right back.

Jill: Thank you for being with us for the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, if you would like to call our office our number is 770-734-8091 and there is someone on call all weekend. Happy Valentines Day.