December 13, 2008 - Navigating Safely Through the Holidays
BREAKTHROUGH ADDICTION RECOVERY HOUR
DECEMBER 13, 2008
Brian: Welcome to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, my name is Brian Fujii and my co host Jill Mattingly, Jill, how are you?
Jill: Hey Brian, I am doing pretty good
Brian: Almost over that cold? Good to see you feeling better.
Jill: Yea but my voice is about an octave lower.
Brian: We are excited about the information on today’s show entering the holidays and how people move into the areas of abuse with drinking in the season and talking about some holiday safe planning to take a look at ways to navigate through the season and be safe.
Jill: Right, it really is important when you are looking at parties picking up in the next week or so and have a plan, having a plan is very important and that is what we are going to go through with you today. Like you said, abuse is possible for everyone across the board and alcoholics and dependent people usually have a very good handle on how they drink every day and people that don’t drink every day, go to a party with free flowing alcohol and having fun and before they know it they have passed over the line and if they have not planned but devastating things can happen.
Brian: That probably is the time when there is heightened time of year for accidents and violence. We are facing an economy that is tough and then integrating the season, it is a squeeze, I want to be happy but I just lost a job. There is a lot of anxiety this time of year and depression and yet this is supposed to be happy? 770-226-0920 is the number to call and get in on the conversation. WE would love to hear your plans for the holiday. You may have some good recovery time and have some ideas to share that make the holidays safe and not involving alcohol or drugs. 1-888-920-2665 if you are out of the area.
Jill: I was perusing the internet before the show looking for things pertaining to the season and alcohol and it didn’t take long. There are articles that seem this year that the news agencies are putting out articles being a more dangerous season because of the economy and the job losses, foreclosures and tight money, children don’t understand that situation and they believe that combining this with alcohol could be very deadly. We need heightened awareness of why are you drinking the second drink when you don’t drink at all? Also the possibility of dangerous highways and domestic violence, families getting together and combine this to make it a perfect storm.
Brian: This show is going to be vital because if they are not planning or preparing they will certainly have problems coming up. We teach that the planning is key. Many tell me they go into the party with a drink in their hand, like a bottle of water, seltzer, or gingerale they already have something in their hand and someone is not continually offering. Good strategy.
Jill: The second half of this show is talking to those that want to hold on to the sobriety and want to go to the parties with friends that don’t know they have alcohol issues, so we are going to talk about that the second half. Rigiht now we are talking about the abuse issue, just like we do when we talk about use, abuse and dependency if you want to give those definitions.
Brian: There is a difference, a user is someone handling alcohol well, a glass of wine or a bottle of beer, abusing is now drinking is causing problems in the family or job or law, dependence is now you experience tolerance, more and more to get the same effect, withdrawal when you try to stop and then the key is that you keep using despite the negative consequences.
Jill: Abuse sounds like you are sad so you use alcohol to take away the sadness, you want to forget your troubles and you are with friends so you use alcohol to forget the troubles you are in, you are in foreclosure, you have a pink slip, you don’t want to feel the disappointment and abuse can come in. Going to a party you think you can cut loose and that is an issue that can be devastating and could actually cause someone to loose a life over the third or fourth drink. 770-226-0920, we are talking about abuse and how that can be devastating this holiday season. There are many articles going over the possibility of this being dangerous season and alcohol consumption has a lot to do with that. What if you are at a party or family gathering and someone or yourself decides to go ahead and drink past the amount that is safe. Pre planning before these events is crucial to your safety and health. One thing that is important is to eat. Something with fat and protein, finger foods that can do something about the absorption and if you are drinking on an empty stomach you will have to call a cab. The absorption is at a higher rate and intoxication will come quickly. Where driving is involved and you plan to drink who is driving you home? Don’t think you can if you don’t drink a lot during the year and have 2 glasses of wine do not get in the car, have a plan before you go.
Brian: Also, family members, people at the party, if you notice someone intoxicated or getting there, you need to remind and encourage others not to drink and drive and be aware of the need for a sober driver. I just think that is a challenge for others too. I would like to ask the audience how they have tried to address this issue with others in their own home or office what strategy did you use to keep someone safe and let them know they should not drive, etc., we are coming to the break, 770-226—0920 call us and we will be right back.
Commercial Break.
Jill: Welcome back to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, we are talking about how to plan for the holidays and give support to those that need to be aware of their drinking. Wee need to hear from you today and would like to know how you have handled those that drink at your party did you take the keys away? Did you corral them and lock them in the bedroom? Kidding, that has got to be the most uncomfortable situation to deal with someone while intoxicated and you want them to be safe. Alcohol abuse and how many people can stumble into the abusive situation they are going to a party and drink more than they planned and they decide they just want to feel good and go too far.
Brian: You talk about that and many times you think you do it cause you feel bad. Many clients say they drink when they are happy too. We have to understand that some triggers are happiness and celebration.
Jill: More people are going to drink this time of year because of a lot of reasons. Some plans should be made for what may happen. If you are going to consume or someone else is, first of all absolutely no drinking and driving and if you plan to have that wine and you are not a drinker you need to have a plan. Who is going to drive you home? Have a plan, this is a celebratory time and raising a glass is from the days of old and there are those that will be drinking and do not think that you can drive after the time you feel different. Do not even think that someone will know and stop you, sometimes people don’t know what you had to drink throughout the evening. Someone that knows you that knows you need not drive.
Brian: Many people that come to us will say that they have to have a buzz before the party and want to be comfortable. So, already people who are celebrating will start drinking prior to the party.
Jill: If you are throwing a party tonight and will have wine with dinner and wine and other drinks available at the party, yes, if people are drinking and it will be more fun and that is your thinking, number one you can have a party without alcohol, if it is something that you just can’t fathom, then you need to know what your risks are for someone leaving your home or office intoxicated. You need to make yourself aware. This article says that you take the keys and don’t let them drive. A lot of times you may anger someone
Brian: They could see it as an aggressive move and become threatened. You know many times people under the influence their thought patterns are disoriented.
Jill: If you are having the party have sober drivers, those type of things.
Brian: Great strategy.
Jill: Have a plan, the theme of this show. Have a good time, remember that? You don’t have to have alcohol to have fun. You can do so many different things rather than be altered. Games, movies and things to do to interact with people, how about conversation? You can make ornaments,,,,,,kidding. I tell you one thing if you think fun, we play Catch Phrase and it is so much fun and you will have a great time. The more people the better, you don’t need alcohol. It makes the party, so
Brian: I am glad you say that, many times, well we are not talking about elegant parties, there are family gatherings and few friends over, not a huge thing. Playing games talking to each other and doing other kinds of non alcohol activities is so good for those in recovery too. You need to be aware of those that are having their first Christmas without alcohol.
Jill: They aren’t going to want to make ornaments. Ok, so what we need to do is give our audience some more tips for planning. The article talks about being proactive and principled so show an example, you don’t have to drink because others are. Even if you don’t have a problem, you can carry a bottle of water and having the ability not to sink to a level that everyone else is with overindulging and you can go in with that plan and know that although there is drinking it is not necessary.
Brian: When you have a party and you are the host and some may abuse the good will of the host and that means we need to be prepared to handle that. Be a responsible host and plan if abusive behavior is present.
Jill: Have a plan but know where to draw the line. Having the boundaries set before things get out of hand and then you may backpeddle out of things happening out of your control. We are talking across the board and if you want a sane and safe holiday have a plan. 770-226-0920, we will be right back to talk with our friends in recovery going to parties, they can go and have a good clean sober time.
Commercial Break
Jill: Welcome back to the Breakthrough Addiction Recovery Hour, my name is Jill Mattingly and we are here today talking about the holiday season and there are those in recovery that want to hold on to that in this season. There are so many festive situations with alcohol and it is difficult and there are people that are actually holding on by a thread and they go into the stores, as with the guy that said he goes into the stores with red ribbons on bottles, it is a time to drink. There are people Brian that are listening and don’t know how to make it through tonight.
Brian: Right, they are experiencing possibly the first season without alcohol and that is a tremendous trigger and that is an emotional trigger, they are worried, anxious and frustrated and want to know what to do so that they can maintain their sobriety. Those in recovery groups, SMART Recovery that we do and the 12 step programs. You can go and get some relief 24/7 and they have sober parties. Focusing on what we do at Breakthrough, we have some options and you can meet today at our facility with others in recovery at 8000 Miller Court East in Norcross. We usually have 8 to 10 folks that come and they develop some positive relationships and being proactive. You then develop strategies as to what to do that is safe and fun.
Jill: You know what? What if they are going to a party tonight and gathering tonight, why not go to SMART Recovery first and talk to people and get some ideas and have your mind in the right place before you walk in the door. If you would like to go to SMART go to the website, www.breakthroughaddictionrecovery.com or you can call us here and we will get you there. 770-226-0920. Have a plan that is the key. In talking to people in recovery I found an article in the NYT this past week that was written by a man with 16 years of recovery and he was very honest in how he sees the holiday season, he looks at it as an uncomfortable distraction. You have something that is in front of your face the memory of how you used to live your life, we have always said that addiction is a disease of memory and your brain remembers how to feel good, you know if it needs to get over a sadness or celebrate or comfort you brain will trigger thoughts of what can we do? There is circuitry in your brain that will say to go get the alcohol. If you are approaching the season in recovery your triggers can be huge in your thinking patterns.
Brian: We call it euphoric memory and even during the seasons the recall is very strong. Memories are vivid.
Jill: And how it felt to be drunk after 16 years. Let’s talk about the article he wrote when we come back from the break. We are talking with those that have recovery time that want to help you get through the season. Stay with us, 770-226-0920,. Be right back.
Commercial Break
Jill: You know it is tough out there right now and there might not be the most extravagant parties but there will be more difficult free flowing bars but you can come to my house and we will make ornaments, ok? I think……
Brian: They are lining up.
Jill: I need support, call in and say nothing is wrong with making ornaments. I need some support so call. We are talking about the Times blog article and the man with 16 years sobriety looking at the season with disdain. In this article he says it is so difficult to not have what we were talking about before, the feeling of the party atmosphere, I remember what alcohol did to me and I remember being drunk and then the dreaded though and that is maybe I can have just one and that is the danger.
Brian: Euphoric recall, unfortunately we don’t have the dissident recall, what happens after the drink. We don’t remember the negative consequences we only remember the good part, that is the dopamine. It wants us to keep doing it over and over again. Is this nature or nurture? In a sense that when you continue to use alcohol the brain begins to change and this is what we teach at Breakthrough and it is a brain disease. This article talks of the idea that the brain changes in two different areas and that is the brain reward system that makes us feel good with alcohol on board.
Jill: Some people that are prediabetic may be prone to using alcohol for sugar content and coming around to your support system. You have one that allows you to walk the road to sobriety. Nothing pulling you down and holding you back. Where is your spiritual foundation and many different things around the wheel and many different approaches, not a magic pill.
Brian: People want the magic pill, what we want you to know is that it doesn’t exist. We will help you manage your cravings
Jill: You may be in the midst of a problem with daily drinking. You can’t get past 5pm without drinking. If you don’t though you won’t sleep, you will feel anxious and that is dependency and it needs to be treated, not only by coming in to a facility but actually medically being looked at too. So at Breakthrough we do a medical evaluation and psychiatric and psychological assessment, this is not a cookie cutter approach.
Brian: We design the program for the individual and we work together as a support system for the clients. We take all of these in consideration to help that person meet the need.
Jill: We are coming down to our next break, so to the family listening let’s talk about what you can do to help the loved one that is dependent on alcohol. We will be right back.
Commercial Break
Jill: Welcome back. Someone goes to a party for the holidays and someone gives them a drink and before they know it they are intoxicated. You are in an emotional state and you decide I want to numb this and drink more than I should. So if you are in danger of abusing it can end with loss of family members, dui, or loss of live. Abuse is not planned for and what we want to do is encourage you to have a plan before you go into the setting where there is alcohol and do not believe your brain when it says you can have three or four drinks.
Brian: You brought up talking to adults but we have parents out there with teenagers going to their parties and maybe the family is saying that although they don’t drink, there may be alcohol served and no parental guidance over there. What do you do? How do you say no thank you and get out if you need to. Have the plan, so the family needs to get this out to the kids.
Jill: The other type of scenario is someone with the problem has gotten in recovery and the boss says you have to come and you are worried about your sobriety, if you brain is saying have just one, that is a lie also because brain diseases the circuitry that will trigger maybe that day you can have just one but we know from experience that it will turn into two or three the next day. It is a slippery slope.
Brian: They keep going until they are drunk. The brain will trick you.
Jill: Be aware have a plan no drinking and driving.
Brian: We saw in this article that many families have a member in recovery and they want to be kind. Let’s get the non-alcoholic beer. Don’t do that the studies have shown that this is a trigger to move into the road to use again. If it acts like beer they will eventually want the real thing. That is the worst thing to do.
Jill: Non alcoholic or sparkling wine make it look like you are drinking are fun for some but what if you are in recovery, it can be a huge trigger, think it through people when inviting someone in recovery. We hope you have a safe evening tonight and SMART recovery in Norcross we would love for you to take advantage of this group.
Brian: This has been a great show and I hope you take the information and use it even this evening and Jill, I am glad you feel better, I look forward to next week.
Jill: I am going to the Falcons game tomorrow, I am studying the stats….
Brian: Join us next week, happy holidays.