Many of the people who enter and complete treatment each day are still dealing with unresolved grief that creates a great sense of emptiness and a void that is extremely difficult to fill.   

Someone very close to us has died and left a big hole.  We keep fondly remembering the wonderful times that we had with our friend.  No one has ever been closer, more dependable or understood our thoughts and feelings more. 

We are constantly reminded of the great times and the fun we had.  We can’t go to the ball park without remembering all the smiles and laugher we enjoyed together.  We miss them on our fishing trips and somehow it just isn’t the same without them being there.  The Super Bowl and NASCAR will never again be enjoyable without that special someone by our side.  The great times we had at the clubs dancing like a couple of fools. 

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am talking about our old friend alcohol.  For people recovering from alcohol dependence this is a huge problem and is the precursor to most relapses.  Everything we have done in our adult life has centered around alcohol and we don’t have any idea how to enjoy life without it. 

It seems that the older you are and the longer your love affair with alcohol, the more difficult the problem.  Most alcoholics started drinking at a reasonably young age and most of their adult memories are centered around events where alcohol was present and usually abused.  For some the problems came soon in our drinking careers, for others it took longer.  When we finally got sober, we didn’t quite know what to do or how to have fun. 

Young alcoholics face an even greater challenge, especially if they are single.  It seems that in our society most functions for young, single adults revolve around alcohol.  You take a case of beer water skiing.  You go to the sports bar with your buddies to watch the game.  You go to the club to meet members of the opposite sex.  How do you participate in these activities without drinking?  Won’t you stand out like a sore thumb?  Our non-alcoholic friends can do all these activities without getting smashed or drinking to excess. 

We feel somehow cheated that we cannot drink and have fun like everyone else.  What we often fail to realize is that we are not like everyone else.  With a little introspection we realize that we are different.  If you are an alcoholic, can you ever remember leaving an unfinished drink at a bar?  A half full glass of wine at the table of the restaurant?  Pouring out a beer that got warm?  Of course you can’t because it never happened.  That is why we can’t drink and have fun like everyone else.  Everyone else doesn’t even think about alcohol or if they have drained the last drop from the container.  They can take it or leave it. 

Most that have entered treatment have a great deal of anxiety and fear.  They don’t really understand how or why they ended up spiraling out of control.  The realization of fact that you will never be able to drink again is huge and it is a life changing event.   

This is true not only for alcoholics but all substance abusers.  Alcohol is always the gateway drug to relapse on the drug of choice for non-alcoholic addicts.  People that have a different drug of choice have a couple of drinks and their inhibitions are lowered.  In their altered mental state it is easy to rationalize using their drug of choice.  Most relapses start this way.  “One little joint never hurt anyone.”  “I can do one line or smoke one little rock without having a problem.”  “My back really hurts today; I think I can take a couple of Vicodins without getting addicted again.”  “I never had a problem with Xanax before.”  As Emeril would say “Bam” and we are off the wagon and under the wheels.  We hear these stories every day.   

We never seem to remember the bad things that we experienced during active addiction.   Most that have entered treatment have just as many bad memories of drinking or drugging as we do good memories.  We just choose not to remember the bad things, which is normal for all thought processes.  If it were not this way we would never try anything a second time.  When you learned to ride a bike and fell and hurt yourself you didn’t quit because you recalled the rush of going fast and the wind in your face.  Alcohol and drug addiction are no different.  We remember only the fun times we shared with our dear friend. 

When you become drug or alcohol dependent you normally have more bad memories than good.  In time, these memories fade, which again is a normal thought process.  You don’t remember the damaged relationships, the DUI’s, the throwing up, the shaking, and the total inability to perform normal functions.  When we remember going to the game and enjoying a dozen beers we rarely remember being bent over the bumper of the car in the parking lot throwing up later the same evening.  We don’t remember having to get up and have a drink to stop shaking so we could shave or put on makeup.  We don’t remember counting pills before a weekend trip to make sure we would not go into withdrawal.  We don’t remember getting a secret credit card and a P.O. Box so we could make online pharmacy dope purchases.  We don’t remember going to a questionable area of town looking for illegal drugs and putting ourselves at risk of being seriously injured or killed.  We don’t remember driving home with one eye shut so that we didn’t see two of everything or driving around drunk with our kids in the car.  We don’t remember having phone conversations, not remembering them and then having to fake our way through a conversation while trying desperately to remember.  These are but a few of the glamorous memories we alcoholics and addicts all share.  The list could go on for pages and the examples would get a lot worse. 

What we have to understand is that we are not like other people.  They are not alcoholics or addicts and do not experience the same things that we do.  They are not dependent and alcohol or drugs do not even occupy their thoughts. 

While we do not have to put ourselves in a position where drugs are being used, the case is different with alcohol.  Alcohol is socially accepted and encouraged in almost all areas of life.  We as alcoholics and addicts have to understand that if we choose to have a drink, we will end up in the same situation again and again.  The brain will heal and the resentment and cravings will abate but it takes time.  Sooner than you think the thoughts of using will leave and you will learn how to enjoy life sober.  Everything in your life will improve.  You will feel good physically, be mentally alert and sharp and friendships and relationships will once again blossom.  Stay strong, smart and remember that you and only you are in control of your own destiny.  It is possible to have fun without being high. 

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